Leaving Well: My Path into Alignment and through Divorce
Throughout the week, I often find myself mentoring people in my network. Lately, a common theme has emerged: many are going through expansive shifts in consciousness. And with that growth often comes a realization—their partner may no longer be aligned with the path they now feel called to walk.
When I was navigating my own divorce, several friends told me I should write a book about it. Apparently, I was handling it with clarity and grace through an undeniably difficult process. I’m not inspired to write a book—but here’s a blog post instead.
I was with my partner for 20 years. The first five were great. The last fifteen… not so much. We were stuck in a pattern we couldn’t shift—one that felt deeply unsupportive to my being.
Because we had young children, I told myself for years that I’d already lived such a fulfilling life that I didn’t need the deeper aspects of a partnership. I was willing to sacrifice that part of myself for the family.
At year ten, I realized I deserved more. I initiated a loving but firm conversation. I acknowledged his fears, shared my concerns, and assured him we could reach a fair resolution no matter what. But I also laid down an ultimatum: start therapy—and if we weren’t seeing real change after six months, I would leave.
He did go to therapy. We went to counseling. It made things tolerable for a while. But the core pattern never shifted. And around year twenty, it all came to a head.
The Universe orchestrated a series of events that forced my hand, breaking me free from the cultural and limiting beliefs, my stick-to-it-ness, and the fear of carrying the load alone that had kept me stuck. We’d had a rough post-COVID year and were already in marriage counseling when I attended Tony Robbins’ Wealth Mastery. On the first morning, my partner had a major blow-up. Literally minutes later, Tony led us through a deep visualization exercise: “What would you do if you had all the financial freedom you desired?” Because money is just money—it’s the experiences that bring fulfillment.
Every vision that lit me up—sailing the Mediterranean, yoga retreats in India, service work abroad—had already been dismissed by my partner. It became blindingly clear how far apart we’d grown. Our dissatisfaction was feeding a cycle that dampened the family life I craved.
Tony then introduced Neuro-Linguistic Programing (NLP) tools that helped me see resistance differently. We often know something needs to change, but all we can see are the hard conversations, logistical nightmares, financial drain and emotional toll. In the workshop, we visualized the obstacles as small, gray, and dull—and our aspirational dreams as vivid, colorful, and expansive. Those dreams weren’t just wishful thinking—they were soul-level compasses, showing us what was worth breaking through the gray for.
That became my method. I began journaling my fears, desires, and questions. I highlighted anything that needed clarity and picked one thing each week to take action on. Not an overwhelming, endless to-do list—just one step. I gave myself 10–15 minutes of quiet time daily to reflect and then calendared the action that felt most energizing.
At the same time, I was still holding space for the possibility that we could stay together. I brought new communication tools to the table and clearly expressed my needs. But those efforts weren’t met with equal energy. The imbalance became impossible to ignore.
Here’s how my process unfolded:
Week 1: I asked our marriage counselor if he’d continue as my therapist. He agreed. I also got referrals for my kids.
Week 2: I called every executive woman I knew who had divorced a stay-at-home spouse. I asked what worked, what didn’t, and who they’d recommend legally.
Week 3: I spoke to three divorce attorneys to understand asset division, custody, and legal logistics.
Week 4: I calculated estimated costs and alimony scenarios to build a budget.
Week 5: Fresh off Wealth Mastery, I had a comprehensive view of our assets. I had our financial advisor run scenarios for timing and financial freedom.
Week 6: I contacted tutors and music teachers to shift lessons to our house. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do all the driving.
Week 7: I researched meal prep, laundry services, and nanny options. Ouch! So expensive! So I got the kids involved in household chores and set up grocery delivery to ease the load.
Every week, I met with my therapist. Every day, I journaled for ten minutes. I splurged and treated myself to a weekly massage. I got outside, ate clean—and, with compassion for myself, allowed a daily cigarette as a familiar self-soothing crutch.
Because family is so important to me—and we had so much history—I wanted to be sure I wasn’t just running from a soul lesson. A friend, the COO of a Fortune 50 company, suggested I see his natal astrologer. I’d always thought astrology was nonsense... but I trusted my friend’s judgment.
It was astonishing. My chart revealed why we married and the challenges we were meant to work through. Our marriage counselor was floored by the accuracy. The message was clear: had we met those challenges, the relationship could have evolved. But we hadn’t. And it was time for a new chapter.
I felt validated in my decision and the path was clear. I chose a Tuesday to talk. I’d arranged for me and the kids to visit Granny that weekend. A friend took the kids out to dinner that night so we could talk privately.
My therapist and I had practiced what to say and mapped out every possible scenario. Yes, even things like: should I remove the guns from the house before the conversation?
The night before, I couldn’t sleep. But I remembered what every divorced woman I’d spoken to had said: “I wish I’d done it sooner. It was the best decision I ever made.”
In that moment I realized that marrying him was the best decision I’d ever made too.
Because of our relationship, I have two beautiful sons and two incredible stepdaughters. He supported me in his own way throughout our journey. He helped me grow into myself.
So I anchored into that paradox: Marrying him was the best decision of my life. And divorcing him now was also the best decision for my life.
With that grounding, I was able to approach the conversation with kindness. No need to rehash all our old stories. I shared everything I’d considered—emotionally and financially. With a few minor tweaks, he agreed. We finalized paperwork through a paralegal. When we told the kids, they weren’t surprised. Their response to their therapist was actually… relief. I eased into my new life with full custody, alimony payments, and freedom to be with people who see me and show up.
Keys to handling my transition with grace:
Recognizing misalignment and acknowledging I had tried everything
Naming my fears and addressing them one step at a time
Visualizing and validating what I was missing if I didn't make changes
Gathering wisdom from those who’d walked this path
Honoring both the relationship and its completion
This wasn’t just the end of a marriage. It was the clearing of space for a new pattern to emerge—a life and set of relationships aligned with who I’ve become.
Two moments post-divorce stand out.
One friend called me in tears. She was heartbroken about the end of my marriage, but as she saw joy return to my life, she realized how long it had been missing. “I hadn’t heard you laugh like that since we were in our twenties,” she said.
Another moment stayed with me. I was sharing a wave of loneliness during the transition, and a longtime friend gently said, “We’ve all been waiting to be in your life again.”
Now, five years later, I roll with global tribes of badass free-thinkers like me—visionaries, healers, builders, creatives, and joyful troublemakers who are here to evolve humanity and fiercely love our home Mother Earth. I’m invited into extraordinary experiences and heart-expanding relationships that go beyond what I had ever imagined.
If you’re facing challenges in your relationship, start by naming your fears. That alone will help you feel grounded enough to have the conversations you need. You don’t need to jump—you just need to get clear.
Everything is figure-out-able. The things you fear—re-entering the workforce, living a different lifestyle, finding new friends—might just be the doorway to your next great chapter.
